“Awareness is the key to mastering your Mean Girl, because once you know what you know, you can’t unknow it. So rather than fighting her, slamming the door in her face, and resisting her every step of the way, it’s more constructive to use her as a guide back to your truth… love!”
I love Melissa Ambrosini and what she puts out into this world. Her podcast is one of my favorite to listen to, and this book is THE book to get your self-love journey started. I know when I start talking about being gentle with yourself, about loving yourself first, so you can be a better human being, most people will say that this is a luxury. I couldn’t disagree more. Self love and self care are vital to be of service in this world.
“Fill yourself up first and give from the overflow. It is only then you can truly give.”
In “Mastering Your Mean Girl” Melissa intertwines self care around body image, food, career, relationships, and being of service in this world with her own personal story of hitting rock bottom at age 23, ending up in hospital, and re-evaluating her entire life. Now, if you are new to your self care journey, then perhaps some of the tips may seem over the top, like completely giving up alcohol and having an alcohol free wedding or saying no to all social gatherings after 8pm. BUT even if not everything in this book speaks to you, there will definitely be so many tips and tricks you can pick up along the way.
“What are you doing that isn’t really your truth but you’re doing it because you think you “should”?”
Some of my favorite take aways are:
Be yourself in all areas of your life. I am always myself at home, with Arman, my friends, and family. But as soon as I am around mothers I don’t know, I feel like I need to portray this super mom. It’s exhausting, and makes me feel ill, because not only am I not living in my true alignment, but I am showing Baby Zand a different side - my socially acceptable side… as if my real me is not good enough. I never want her to think that she needs to portray someone else. So that is gone now. I hug moms when I see the sadness oozing out of them, I offer my help when exhaustion has drained every ounce of life out of them, and I will always tell the truth - the joy as well as the hardship of being a mother in today’s world where we have to do it all.
Find ways to interact with your friends that aligns with who you want to be. This has been a long time favorite of mine. When I was first transitioning to a healthier lifestyle, I just didn’t want to go out and drink myself into oblivion every night. Of course that is hard to keep friendships alive, and it’s not like you can and want to get new friends the second you decide to live with a little less alcohol. My solution was to find ways for us to still have fun, to still go and do things that just may not involve us drinking and staying up all night. I found fun fitness classes they were into, took them to yoga, to meditation festivals, and hosted themed dinner parties (with sneakily healthy but soooo delicious food) at my place. This got my friends on board, too, and I didn’t have to drop off the face of the earth to take care of myself.
Saying no to things that you don’t want to do is not a luxury. I have to repeat this one over and over again to myself, because I think as a notorious people pleaser this is a really hard one to wrap my head around. I can’t be my most helpful if I say “yes” to too many things, or things that just don’t excite me. I may half heartedly help you plan your child’s birthday party, but I also know there would have been a better person to help you in this case. On the other hand, I will be there for you in the middle of the night with soup and immunity balls when you get sick and need help to take care of your child while you get some rest. That is when I can be the most helpful to you, that is what aligns with my fire, and that is what ultimately helps the world.
“It’s your sacred birthright to be your authentic self. No one wants you to be anything but, so there’s no need to portray this “perfect” life.”
Give this book a read - no matter what stage of healthy lifestyle choices you are at, you will get some new inspiration to say no to the things you don’t want to do, and yes to the things that serve you - and ultimately this world.